Living for Love and Dying for Loyalty Read online

  “Thanks, Mont.” The tears were still flowing heavily.

  Mont grabbed my hand and held it. “Come on, Trish, stop crying. You’re better than this shit, baby girl.

  “How could Markese do this to me?”

  “I can’t answer that question because I don’t know.”

  I turned around in the seat and faced him. “Mont why you didn’t tell me? We have been friends just as long as you and Markese?”

  “Trish, you already know I couldn’t do that. Plus, on some real shit, it was none of my business.”

  I looked out the window and wiped the tears from my eyes. “I’m just trying to figure out what have I done, that was so bad to make him hurt me like this.”

  Mont grabbed my chin and looked into my eyes. “Look, let me know if I’m overstepping my boundaries, but I have to say this. You are a beautiful black woman and you deserve nothing but the best. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. Yeah, Markese is my friend and all, but I’m speaking the truth.”

  “Thanks again, Mont. Let me get in this house.”

  “Not until you promise me something.”

  I looked at him curiously. “What’s that?”

  “If you ever need someone to talk to or need me, you’ll let me know.”

  I nodded my head and got out of his car. I walked into our home and looked at all we had accomplished. What was once my dream house has become the saddest place on Earth. I needed someone to talk to. I didn’t want to be by myself. I called Aja several times, but she didn’t answer. I left her voicemail telling her to come to the house, because I needed to talk to her. I needed a drink to calm my nerves so I opened up my favorite bottle of wine. I wanted to burn everything Markese owned but that would not help. He would just go out and replace everything.

  Two bottles and three hours later, I was drunk as hell and feeling even worse. At that point, I realized I have nothing to live for. I have no family.

  I went into my bedroom to find my prescription for Xanax and counted the pills. There were twenty pills. I sat on the edge of the bed holding the pills in my hand. For about an hour, I sat there contemplating if I was truly ready to end it all. I decided I have nothing to live for. Before I took pills, I wrote a letter for Markese and Aja.

  Dear Markese and Aja

  I’m writing this letter to inform you that I have decided to take my life because life is no longer worth living. Markese, I know that you have always wanted to be a father. That’s why I kept trying to get pregnant. I’m sorry for not being able to carry your babies to term. Never in a million years would I think that you would stoop so low as to get another girl pregnant. My heart is crushed. I swear it feels like my soul has left my body. The reason I feel this way is because you are my heart and soul. Today I found out your heart is no longer with me and today I died from a broken heart. I keep trying to figure out what I did to deserve this. Both us know that I have been the best woman I could be. The image of your kids keeps playing in my head over and over again. I’m going crazy at the mere thought that they exist. I have had you to myself for so long, that I don’t want to share you with anybody. Not even your kids. Aja, I’m sorry I have to leave so unexpectedly without saying goodbye. Know that I love you with all my heart and I am always with you in spirit.

  Love Always,

  Trish

  With that out of the way, I took the pills and I washed them down with wine. I thought that the pills would work immediately, but they didn’t. At this point, I was rummaging through the medicine cabinet, looking for anything that would put me to sleep. Then it hit me Markese always kept a stash of Heroin in our safe. I instantly put the code in and opened the safe up. I removed one of the baggies and closed the safe. I emptied the contents on my nightstand and I snorted all of it. Immediately, my nose began to burn really bad. I felt sick to my stomach, like I had to vomit. I attempted to run to the bathroom, but I vomited on the floor. I lay on bedroom floor unable to move. The effects of the heroin, liquor, and Xanax were kicking in. The room was spinning and I was getting sleepy. I began to drift in and out of consciousness until finally I passed out. It felt like my body was sleep, but my mind was aware of what was going on around me. I could hear Aja’s voice.

  “Oh my God, Trish! What did you do? Aja screamed.

  I heard Aja dialing 911,

  “Please, I need an ambulance at 220 E. Lake Shore Drive. My sister is unconsciousness and unresponsive.” Please, Trish wake up don’t do this to me!” she cried.

  Next, she called Markese.

  “Markese where are you? Please come home I just found Trish unconscious on the floor! Hurry up! ‘Kese. I think she’s dying.”

  “Please, Trish you have to wake up.”

  The last thing I heard was unfamiliar voices and feeling someone pounding on my chest.

  “What did she take?”

  “I don’t know. I came in and found her like this. Is she going to be okay? Aja asked

  “Excuse me ma’am, but we have to get her to the hospital.”

  Chapter 14 - Carmen

  Trish better be lucky my kids were with me. If they weren’t, I would have beat the shit out of her. Plus, the bitch caught me off guard. Besides all of that, I’m glad she finally knows. I bet she’s somewhere crying her eyes out. Now Markese can be here with his family where he belongs. He simply has no other choice. I know Trish don’t want him now.

  My kids were so upset about all the arguing and fighting that they cried all the way home. Markese was silent the entire ride back to my house. He wouldn’t even look at me. He better not be mad at me for this shit. I wasn’t the one acting crazy.

  When we got to the house, I could tell some more shit was about to pop off. I put the kids in their rooms because they had seen enough violence for one day. Markese was standing by the island drinking a Corona when I walked into the kitchen.

  “Baby, is everything okay? You haven’t said a word to me.”

  “What the fuck you think, Carmen? Trish just found out about this shit. I didn’t want her to find out like that. I wanted to tell her myself when the time was right.”

  “I’m glad she found out. Now we can be a family.”

  “Are you serious? You and I will never be a family. All we have is kids together, that’s it. That’s all.”

  I couldn’t help but to laugh at him. “It’s funny you say that. This shit has been going on for five years. So, nigga, you’re in denial. We are more than just some damn baby momma and baby daddy. Where have you been spending the night at all these weeks?

  He drank the rest of his beer and opened up another one.

  “I’ve only been here for my kids.”

  “Cut the bullshit, Markese! You sleep in my bed.”

  “What the fuck is your point, Carmen?”

  “The point is you been having your cake and eat it too. Now that everything is out in the open your ass can’t handle it.”

  “Bitch, shut the fuck up!”

  “You shut the fuck up!”

  “I’m about to get the fuck out of here before I hurt you.”

  Markese tried to leave, but I wouldn’t let him. I blocked the doorway.

  “Hell naw! You’re not going anywhere! We’re gonna finish this shit.”

  “Carmen, get the fuck outta my way. This shit is already finished.”

  “What you trying to say?”

  Markese was so close to me that his nose was almost touching mine. “Bitch what is wrong with you? Do your ass need Hooked on Phonics? I’m done with you. From now on, it’s strictly about my kids. Now get the fuck out of my way before I make your ass move.”

  I refused to move. I couldn’t believe this nigga was treating me like a random bitch. Before I knew it, he picked me up and moved me out of the way. I tried to claw his eyes out. He didn’t even fight me back. He just threw me on the couch and ran out the door. I didn’t even go behind him. I was defeated, and this shit hurts like hell.

  I knew that Trish was his woman when I starte
d fucking with him. The crazy part about it was he also treated me like his woman. Naiveté at its best. I guess this is what happens when you fall in love with somebody else’s man and have kids with that man.

  I have to call this like it really is I was never his woman. I have always been a side chick with main bitch emotions. Now I’m sitting here crying and looking stupid. I have no one to blame but myself. However, Markese’s ass is not getting off that easy. He’s about to feel my wrath. There is nothing like a woman scorned.

  Chapter 15 - Aja

  With all that’s been going on in my life, I’ve been staying to myself. I haven’t talked to anyone. Rahmeek has not texted or called since the day he dropped me off. Damn, I’m going through it without him in my life. I’m used to being with him every day. This shit is driving me crazy. I’m lonely and sexually frustrated.

  Since Rahmeek won’t fuck with me, I’m about to make a surprise visit to his house. I’m taking a chance on just popping up at his crib. He might have a bitch over there or anything. I hope not because I will go off. I was nervous as hell as I walked up to his door. My heart was beating so fast. I knocked on the door for about a minute. I turned around and was preparing to leave, when I remembered I still had the spare key he gave me. As soon as I walked in the door, I felt sad because I missed being here. Rahmeek wasn’t downstairs so I went up to the bedroom. He was lying across the bed with a towel wrapped around his waist. This nigga looked so fucking good to me. Rahmeek sat up when he realized I was standing in the doorway. The look on his face let me know that he was not happy about me being there. He stood up and walked past me. He stood in front of the mirror and started rubbing scented hair oil in his dreads. I just stood in the middle of the room watching him. He was turning me on by the minute.

  “What you doing here, Aja?”

  “I just wanted to see you since I haven’t heard from you.”

  “You haven’t heard from me because I have been busy. As a matter of fact, I’m about to get dressed. I have to meet up with Hassan.”

  Rahmeek got up and started to get dressed to leave. I stepped in front of him and dropped my trench coat.

  “Aja, you’re not playing fair. You know we can’t fuck around like that.”

  “That’s what your mouth says, but your dick is saying something else.”

  I leaned in to kiss Rahmeek on the lips and he kissed me back so passionately. I ripped the towel from his waist. It had been a minute since I seen his perfectly manicured naked body. Our hands began to roam each other’s body. He forcibly grabbed my hand and led me to the kitchen. That’s our favorite place to get it in at.

  This nigga knocked everything off up the table and lifted me up on to it. Rahmeek dived right in and started giving me the business. My ass started to hyperventilate. I couldn’t take it. This nigga was eating my pussy so good that I was speaking in tongues. When he got finished, he entered me with so much force that it hurt.

  Once the pain subsided, the pleasure set in. After a couple of more rounds in the kitchen, Rahmeek carried me upstairs to the bedroom. We made love for hours and lay there basking in the glory of our love making session. We drifted off to sleep.

  ****

  When I woke up several hours later, I had a bunch of missed calls from Trish so I jumped up and put my clothes on. Rahmeek was sleeping so peacefully so I didn’t wake him up. I honestly forgot he said he had to meet up with Hassan.

  When I made it to Trish’s house, her ass was on the floor. She was unconscious with vomit everywhere. I looked around the room for some clues and found her note. I called the paramedics immediately and then I called Markese to let him know that she tried to commit suicide.

  I can’t believe this! What the fuck was Trish thinking about? Why would she do this to herself? I know that she and Markese were having problems, but I had no idea it was this bad.

  At the hospital, I sat out in the waiting area waiting for the doctors to come out and tell me something. I said a silent prayer for Trish and prayed that God heard me. I needed some air so I decided to step outside and wait for Markese to arrive.

  When I exited the Emergency Department doors, I saw a familiar face racing behind the paramedics. It was Rahmeek and he was covered in blood. My heart sank.

  “Oh my God, Rahmeek! What happened?”

  He pushed me away from him forcefully. “Bitch, get the fuck back.”

  “What happened? Rahmeek? Please tell me what’s wrong?”

  “Don’t fucking touch me, Aja! This shit is your fucking fault.”

  I was lost I had no idea what he meant. “What’s my fault? Baby, I don’t understand?”

  “If I wouldn’t have been fucking with you, this shit never would have happened.”

  I attempted to hug him. Instead of hugging me back, he had slapped me so fucking hard that I lost my balance and hit my head on one of the chairs.

  “Bitch, don’t you ever put your fucking hands on me! Stay the fuck away from me!”

  The hospital security tried to go after Rahmeek but, I told them that I was fine. I tried to stand up, but I was dizzy as fuck. I started throwing up everywhere. The security called for a stretcher and I was immediately taking to the back to see a doctor. While I was back there, the doctor asked me a series of questions. There was one question that stood out to me.

  “When was your last period?”

  I haven’t had a period in three months. How could I not realize I didn’t have a period? I took the pregnancy test and it confirmed that I was pregnant. After hearing the news, I was in complete shock.

  Damn, I’m pregnant by Rahmeek and he doesn’t fuck with me. This shit is all Markese’s fault. I wanted to cry, but I’m tired of crying. I see why Trish tried to kill herself to get away from all this madness. I gathered myself and went back out to the waiting room to see if Markese had made it.

  As soon as I got out there, it was pandemonium! Rahmeek and Markese were fighting like a motherfucker. These niggas was straight humbugging like they were in a boxing ring. The security guards couldn’t do shit. I started screaming and hollering for them to stop.

  I guess these dumb bitches heard me because they stopped fighting and security held them apart.

  “Look, let me tell y’all something with y’all clown asses. This beef y’all got going on has to stop. It’s hurting everybody around you. Markese, Trish tried to kill herself because of your selfishness and your ego. Rahmeek, I don’t know what happened with you today. I do know this shit with my brother is causing you to treat me like shit. All this shit over money and territory and for what? Y’all are going to be dead and the shit you’re fighting over will not be able to go with you. I advise y’all to squash this shit because I’m pregnant with your baby, Rahmeek. I will not bring my child into a family full of chaos. I will leave and never come back.”

  “If you think telling me you’re pregnant is going to make me change my mind about not fucking with you,” Rahmeek snickered, “baby girl, you got me fucked up.”

  Markese ran up on Rahmeek and tried to hit him, but the security guards grabbed him before he could land a punch.

  “Nigga, you think I’m a let you dog my little sister out. I don’t want you fucking with her no way, but you will take care of your responsibilities. If you think for a minute you gon’ be able to walk the streets behind this shit, you’re sadly mistaken.”

  Rahmeek just stood there with this smug look on his face. I didn’t want them to fight one another, but I would love for Markese to knock that look off his face.

  “Rahmeek, I have come to the conclusion that it’s over and you don’t want me anymore. You don’t have to worry about me or my unborn child.”

  I guess Markese felt sorry for me because he grabbed me and hugged me.

  “Don’t worry lil sis. Fuck that nigga. You already know y’all Gucci.

  “I know, but get your life right. Until then leave me alone. both of all y’all good for nothing ass niggas need Jesus.”

  I sat down and
waited for the doctor to come out and update us on Trish’s condition. As I sat there, my heart was crushed, but I would not let these fools see me cry again. My love for Rahmeek blocks me from feeling sorry for Markese. My loyalty to Markese blocks me from loving the father of my child. Damn, I never thought loyalty or love would be a life changing decision for me.

  The doctor came out and interrupted my thoughts. I actually felt bad for treating Markese bad right now. He really needs me more than ever. I got up from where I was sitting and went to console him. Markese had his face buried in his hands. I rubbed his back and he laid his head on my shoulder. I couldn’t believe he was crying. I have never, in my twenty years, seen him cry.

  “I’m looking for the family of Trish Williams.”

  Markese jumped up and rushed over to the doctor.

  “Please tell me that she is okay,” Markese pleaded.

  “Ms. Williams took a large amount of Xanax,” the doctor explained to Markese and me.

  Markese practically slumped to the floor and began to sob uncontrollably. I’ve never seen him so worried. The doctor attempted to put his hand on his shoulder, but Markese knocked it away.

  “Cut the bullshit Doc, how the fuck is my girl doing?” Markese was becoming angry again.

  “Sir, we pumped the medication out of Ms. Williams’ stomach,” the doctor continued. “She is resting and will physically recover from this ordeal rather quickly. However, since this was a suicide attempt, Ms. Williams has been transferred up to the psychiatric ward for evaluation.”

  Markese got in the doctor’s face.” What the fuck you mean the psychiatric ward? She is not crazy.”

  I had to grab him so that he could calm down. The security guards were anxious to put him out of the hospital.

  “Ms. Williams has been transferred to that ward because she poses a threat to herself. Her mental state is not good right now. She keeps saying that she has nothing to live for and that we should have let her die.”

  “When can we see her?” I asked anxiously.